Faye Louise
hi! i'm faye, 22 years living here on earth! I'm crappy at describing myself. Just read my posts to know me, i guess!
keep your head up Love. one day your situation will be okay :)
inspired by the wonderful @healingsuggestions
It’s been a long time! I want to post something tonight because it’s been a week since my review. I’ve written everything in my notepad on my phone since I don’t have a Tumblr app. This post is pure randomness! I just poured everything what’s on my mind. I’m planning to check the grammar but I decided not to because I just want to be pure. (I will definitely regret this but oh well!) Now I present to you my second journal entry:
I am back in Manila for my review in my chosen review center. My parents booked a flight so early ‘cause they think I can get my ass back to studying. All I do is sleep, they say!
It’s been more than a month since my last post. Nothing much really happened! No serious review happened during that time. I read one page and then I turn on my phone and open my social media accounts.
Though, I cried the night before my flight back in Manila. I was scared kasi! I am also overthinking and the sudden weight of realization has put on my shoulder.
Today is my 2nd review day and all i can say is I wish I was ambidextrous cause my hand hurts so bad from writing for 8 hours although I love the way our lecturer is teaching Microbiology. I understood everything? But my brain can’t process the lectures after 2 pm though. All I think about was where to buy a good tumbler and a headband cause my bangs are irritating af. Why did you cut it?!
Now, my mind is full of thoughts AGAIN. From the way i am unhappy with my looks and myself to waking up early because I have to find a good chair to sit on. Wish me luck!
This post is full of errors! I apologize, my future self! I just want to vent it all out. I hope you’re doing and feeling okay. I hope you’re studying and making those flashcards! Don’t forget to pray! Stop eating noodles na!
I have finally graduated from college! I hardly remember any thing fun, embarrassing moments, hardships or what I learned in class, basically. This is me writing a new series about my journey to get my license. I want to look back all the memories (good or bad) that I encountered during my review or how many times I lost my motivation, cry my heart out, mental breakdowns and get distracted by Kpop. I just want to vent out the stress I’m having by writing it. I don’t have jowa to listen to all my rants lol. On the bright side, this series may also help other students who are also reviewing for their board exam that they’re not alone in this journey. So wish me luck that I’ll continue to post an update!
This is my first entry!
My friend sent me a message telling me to consider this review center. Because the previous board exam questions mostly appeared in that review center. Now I am distressed! Confused even. I suddenly want to enroll to 2 review center but hello i am not that rich. I let my mom read the message my friend sent me and then she suddenly blames me for not listening to her to take the board exam this year. Now I feel bad about myself. I’m typing this post still blaming and questioning myself why I didn’t take it. (Reason: I’m still not prepared and the schedule of the review center is hectic to my Graduation Schedule.)
I have already started reading my reviewers but I only read a few pages - literally. My motivation and desire to study is still not there. Why? I guess, my body is still on “vacation mode” because I am in my hometown. I think my body is used to be chill while I am at home. I’m trying my best to open my reviewers and try to beat my laziness with coffee but nope. It doesn’t work!
Also, my batchmates are signing up to their chosen review center so early. I am anxious because I may not get a slot. Pucha. I seriously don’t know what to do. Let’s just pray that there’s still more slots when I arrive back in Manila.
Now, I don’t know what to do. I keep on slacking, lying in bed for almost 24 hours. My body getting fatter because boredom is giving me the appetite. I’m trying to do the 30 minute study and 15 minute break method but still no use. Brain is still distracted. I might do the 2 minute habit? Like reading your reviewer for 2 minutes only so that my brain will get used to it by not forcing too much energy. I hope it works!
I have to say good bye now. Currently watching Hotel Del Luna! Faye, you can do this. Papasa ka!
New random blog post! Yay!
I’m back here again just to let this thought go because its bothering my emotions and towards some people. Every time someone tweets about “toxic people” or having an indirect tweet about this certain toxic person, I can’t help myself and I keep on telling myself that I am the person who they’re referring to. Even though I didn’t do anything to them.
When topics like this comes up out of nowhere, all my mistakes from early college years comes back. I feel that that mistake broke my reputation as a person and people see me as a bad guy. Now, back to the tweets, I saw my high school friend’s tweet - she’s one of my closest friends in high school. She’s saying that she wished she has spent her time with this person rather than spending it with shitty people. My reaction was “wow, ganon? so binabalewala mo lang yung samahan natin?”. I got hurt while reading the tweet. I couldn’t help but to fill in the shoes.
To be honest, I’m having a hard time expressing my thoughts. I can’t spell out the words that I really wanted to tell you, readers. Do you understand what I’m saying? Lol. I’m just looking for a way to express this thoughts and writing it on a blog post is a great remedy for me.
What I realized while writing this post is that it’s difficult to let go of people who you cherish from the past. But I find it more hurtful when the memories you made together is now being thrown in the garbage bin of life. Do you have something to say to me, my dear readers? Anything that could make me understand the situation and clear the dark cloud in my head? Please let me know, it’ll be huge help!
So, I just turned 20 on October 13 and I know it’s pretty late to do this. Who cares, right? It’s going to be lengthy, let’s go!
1. Siblings are there for each other. As in, walang iwanan talaga. Kahit alien kapatid mo, dapat andiyan kayo sa isa’t isa. Kahit nahihirapan ka na, pag nang-hingi ang kapatid mo ng tulong, hindi ka na mag-dalawang isip. Nag-sink in lang sa ‘kin ‘to nung summer. Ang dami kong hindi naintindihan at grabe din yung galit ko sa loob (well, iniisip ko kasi si Mama talaga nun). Pero my parents thoroughly explained it to me all of this.
2. Minsan, you have to learn the hard way. Para mauntog ka sa katotohanan at lahat ng mga nangyayari ay may dahilan. Pramis, totoo ‘to. Di mo lang agad-agad marerealize yun.